Wednesday, May 18, 2005

More brilliance in the Seattle Times

After reading numerous ridiculous Floyd McKay editorials, I have often wondered what the requirements are for writing guest editorials for the Seattle Times. Now apparently it is just being a paranoid WSU student.

THINGS have gone from silly to dangerous in Washington, D.C., folks. But not to worry. This has happened before, and things always get ridiculous again.

Remember in 2003, when the Senate Republicans held a 30-hour, all-night talkathon? It was because, after confirming 168 of President Bush's nominees, the Democrats dared to block a whopping four they felt were too extreme.

Fast forward to today, as Republican leaders once again are whining about Democrats blocking judicial nominations. Funny, in their complaints about obstructionism, I haven't heard the Republicans mention Bill Clinton's 68 nominations that were never "voted up or down," thanks to Republican delaying tactics.

So why are Democrats being difficult? Maybe they missed some new memo from an overzealous Republican staffer explaining that the Republicans control everything (they have a mandate, you know).

Uhh, has he ever heard of "democracy"? There is a vague little concept known as "majority rules". Maybe they don't teach that at WSU? The Republicans do control everything! If you want to control everything then try winning a freaking election every once in a while! I know the Democrats want affirmative action in school admissions, but now they apparently want it in elections too. We are sorry you lost, here, have a couple of extra seats. It will be all right...

Or maybe it is that, as Mario Cuomo recently noted, the "minority" of Democratic senators actually represent more Americans than the majority Republican senators do. Maybe Democrats should have some small influence on the direction our nation is headed?

So what, that is part of the checks and balances written into our constitution. Blame that "moron" Thomas Jefferson. This isn't grade school playground games. Do over!

Meanwhile, their extremist conservative base was seeking domination of both government and our information. The conservatives built a network of radio and television programs, even a 24-hour news channel. After all, if American propaganda is good enough for Iranians, isn't it good enough for Americans? They even began turning churches into recruiting centers, inciting fear and anger over a couple of extreme issues.

Ooh, it is that evil FoxNews rearing its ugly head once again (cue ominous music). I am sorry, the liberals only have CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN, and PBS to watch now. I guess you will be stuck watching MTV all day. Speaking of "fear and anger" who is writing an editorial saying the Republicans are "scary" and things are "dangerous in Washington D.C."?

But I'm here to tell you, don't cry, there's good news. People can now see that we have a lot of problems, and there are no tax-and-spend, bleeding-heart Democrats running things in the White House, in the House, or in the Senate to blame it all on.

Nope, not a single welfare-loving, tree-hugging liberal in majority control of big government to curse for your lost job, your lack of health care, your polluted environment, your back-door draft, your children's mounting debt, or anything else.

Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes... The dead rising from the grave. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria.

This guy is entertaining at least...

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